Love Smarter, Not Harder: Red Flags to Ditch and Green Flags to Follow

In your 20s, relationships can be both exciting and complicated. It’s a time when you’re figuring out who you are and what you want, not just in life but also in a partner. I’ve learned that this is the decade where your standards should be clear, and your red flag radar needs to be on high alert.

Let me share a personal example. After I graduated from university and started my teaching career, I was dating someone who, despite being in his mid-20s, still didn’t know what he wanted to do for a living. He’d casually say things like, “I’m just going with the flow for now,” and while I tried to be understanding, it quickly became a red flag. Here I was, starting a career I’d worked so hard for, and my boyfriend had no sense of direction or ambition. Sorry, but at that point, it’s a dealbreaker for me. Ambition and drive matter, and if someone doesn’t have a clear sense of what they want out of life—career-wise or otherwise—it can lead to frustration and imbalance.

The truth is, you want to be with someone who matches your energy and goals. If you’re ambitious and working hard to build your career or life, being with someone who’s content floating aimlessly can hold you back. Other red flags I’ve learned to look out for? A lack of communication about the future or an unwillingness to have those important conversations. If he avoids talking about long-term goals, finances, or big life decisions like marriage or kids, that’s a sign he’s not thinking about the future in a serious way.

But let’s talk about the green flags—the things you *do* want in a partner. One of the most refreshing moments in my relationship with my fiancé was our very first date when we dove headfirst into the big conversations. We talked about how we felt about marriage, children, finances, and where we saw our lives heading. It wasn’t weird or uncomfortable; it was natural. And that’s how it should be when you’re with the right person.

Being on the same page about the important things—morals, values, and life goals—is key to building a healthy, fulfilling relationship. It’s not just about surface-level attraction or chemistry; it’s about having a shared vision for the future. You want someone who is supportive, motivated, and respectful of your goals, whether that’s in your career, family life, or personal growth.

In my experience, when you’re in your 20s, it’s crucial to find a partner who’s on the same journey as you, someone who has a sense of purpose and is actively working toward their goals. That’s not to say everything needs to be figured out from the get-go, but there should be a sense of direction. And if someone isn’t interested in growing alongside you, it’s probably best to move on.

So, to sum it up: avoid the red flags—lack of career goals, avoidance of important conversations, and complacency. And look for the green flags—a shared sense of ambition, open communication about the future, and someone who’s as invested in your relationship as you are. At the end of the day, you deserve someone who’s as committed to building a life together as you are.